Parents...

Parents can be anyone,not just your mum and your dad,but also your grandparents.I'm relieved that even i lost my dad as they got divorced,i still have my grandparents,my mum,my uncles and aunties,my two brothers,my cousins and relatives who always be there whenever i need help. I realized that as i'm growing up without dad,their love for me are more than to others in the family,i sometimes bring trouble to them,but they do not even feel burden,or maybe they did but they just do not show to me..

I'm glad that i'm born to the New and Teyun family,i thank God for letting me born into the family,where i found love and care..My friend once told me,he's so jealous to see the harmonization and relationship between my family members as he do not have it in his family. I guess every family has their own way to communicate with each other,but 1 thing for sure,there's love in the family,it's just on the way how they show it..

I'm proud to be New and Teyun..

Tears...

I've never cried for quite some time already,i forgot when was the last time i cried..But yesterday,i really had a bad day,i'm not sure what was the main reason i cried but i guess it's all accumulated one,that's why i cannot hold the tears anymore..When my junior accusing me,i started to sob in the Petro lab,i had flu since last week and when i start sobbing,the mucus stucked in my nose,i felt like dying because i can't breathe well..

Having depression continuously,i came back to my silent room as my roommate going out,i sat on my bed and suddenly my tears fall down for no reason..it's been quite some time before i stopped crying..

Today i watched a video of Brian Joo (former Fly To The Sky member) stating about the relationship between him and Hwanhee (Fany),on how they became distant as they had some misunderstanding caused by the people around them and how he ever thought of committing suicide during that time. But after some time they get to realize they need to believe each other instead of believing others.

Depression sometimes will make people think of committing suicide,there's once time during my youngsters,i thought of committing suicide,i don't really remember what was happening at that time and the reason why i would ever think of that,but i'm glad i've gone through that horrible time,i'm glad that i'm a person that scare of pain as i will never cut myself or jump off the building..

I'm glad i'm alive!!!!!

Birthdays...

Haha,so happy because this year i had celebrated my birthday three times, huhu, making me old three years,haiyo...Thanks to my fellow friends as well as my Beiwu juniors for those surprise but meaningful moments i had.For those friends that celebrated it twice with me,i really appreciate your spending time with me..In th coming years,maybe i will celebrate with others and you guys also will have new group of friends,but i will always remember those memorable moments we had together...

Thanks...

BEIWU....How???

I don't know how to settle beiwu problems..we just had two more practices to go and all like having the worse days for it. My junior like blaming me for cannot give commitment to beiwu anymore.I'm trying to do my best now but i really don't know what's the best for them now.He even say if i want to abandon beiwu also nevermind,what bullshit was he saying,i love beiwu more than them because i've been growing up with beiwu in UUM. It's just that i cannot be a good leader,i wish i can lead them well.it's not just about confidence or not,havng faith or not,it's about giving the right direction to them.I don't want to teach somethings that i'm not sure with, it's legally wrong.. Ask me to go stricter so that i can control them,can anyone tell me,have i ever be strict or serious all this time?Beiwu shold be a place that i found my happiness,freedom,not a stressing place,but now it looks like that for me le...

I never give up of beiwu,if i did,i already don't care much bout it since past few years..

Happiness...Sadness...

I'll be graduating soon in one more month and so many things happened in my life. I realize one big weakness of me,i was like always blaming others and relied on others on something that i cannot do. Some times i really hate myself for who i am today,hate it,hate it...

My friend told me about how stressful she was when she was threatened by the miscalls and message,all i can do is telling her,"don't worry,it will be fine,do not mind so much lar",all of this bullshit useless advices which she don't want even hear...the reason was because i'm not the person involved,i'm not talking from her place,i'm just someone that not related to it,so i say things easily...Damn it,i hate myself..

My the other friend so stress when she had to control herself as i ask her to do like that when confronting the other friend,she told me how stress she was and all i can do was just saying those stupid words that i always said...If only i had a better win-win solution for all the problems they are facing...

MISC performance

Har...talking about my performance in Dewan Mas for MISC DPP Annual Dinner last week on 7th October,it was a performance that i've been waiting for quite some time because it a big hall and i can golek golek freely on it,haha, some more a yi said i've improved while i'm turning round and round for the circle. But what happened was over my expectation,we've been told by the stage ajk to be prepared posing when they carry up the slide show board,but then since they do not have good link with the protocol and also the mc,we've been posing there for more than 5 minutes and the mc still like did not realized that we already on the stage. She was still having her own speech syok sendiri down there and we were just like stupid idiot monkey posing on the stage,letting people to laugh at us. My friend asked me to control my madness and don't talk..i'm getting stress there already..Ok,then after a while when she finally announced us,they even use wrong song or maybe technical problem?I don't care because we've been using the same song for rehearsal and now got problem?Funny...Still they blame us said cd rosak,go to hell lar...

A Yi Leaving Us...

For real,she left us forever,i've started to miss her so much..She's been there whenever we need her all this time,at least for the last more than 1 year,she's always there..Now she's not here anymore,i'm not so sure how we gonna live,ya,we can survive but it won't be the same anymore..

Beiwu without a yi,how it will be?

Stupid me and Mei Juan...

Today in lab,MJ sit beside me while online..She asked me to watch a horror video in facebook uploaded by her friend i think..She cubitting me now as she don't want me to ngumpat her in my blog..It's a Japan video clip about a group of guys who went to a gathering and saw a very pale look pretty girl,God,she's damnly pale,like a ghost...

The amazing part was she waves to them opposite of the train station,erm...it's like LRT station in Malaysia..After waving to them,she suddenly jump off to the railway,whua....Then don't know what happen,as we both are too scared,we ask other friend,Poh Choo to help us watch the ending of the clip. Unfortunately,as the pc in lab do not have good quality(the screen so yellow and dark), we can't really see it. but Poh Choo said she thinks it's the girl face on the railway,WHUA....

End up,me and Mei Juan so scared and Poh Choo said, " looks fake,like created one", haha...Are we stupid?

Happy Birthday To Me...

Haha, sometimes really had to wish myself so that i realize that i'm getting old..being 22 years old this year means...I'm really getting old,haha,well,old is not the problem,what's important is to wonder whether i've live my life well or not all these times..I'm quite satisfied with my life,i mean i'm very satisfied.I have my family,relatives,whole villagers and a group of friends who love and care for me so much..Wats more should i ask for?

Thank God let me born to this world,this place,this family...Thanks to my mum because she carried me for 9 months,taking care of me for 22 years,always there for me whenever i need her..Perfect mum i ever had,i think there's people out there will jealous because i have a perfect family. Being brought up in single parent family not easy,but being in my family gives me the strength..At least i knew that i will never be alone, God damn it,i hate to be alone...

Future will be a better place to be lived,i always hope for world peace...

My horoscope said:

LIBRA (The Lame One) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you wanna mess with.... You might end up crying ...

Hahaha...i remembered my friend who always argued with me and he said he's so frustrated whenever having a quarrel with me...God bless him...

Lately i kept writing those memorable paper,not sure what people called it, but we all received it from so many people lar..stressing but i still give commitment to write it actual from bottom of my heart..my friend even asked me whether i'm Christian as the way i wrote sounds like it came from Bible, haha...

My Beiwu Performance...

I had a busy weekend last week since i have two performances continuous for two nights and also one presentation on Saturday morning. But i'm glad i'd passed those tiring days,still i have one more performance on 7th october,this wednesday night. I felt like i never had a long period of relaxing since i came back from Raya holiday,indeed i'm getting more busy..Well,after 8th October thing will gets better because i will submit my fnal assignment on that day,then free!!!

While i'm writing this, the rains kept flowing,it's been a few days already that it keeps raining almost everyday. Not sure it's good or not,but very pity for those having convocation,raining made me feel wet and as the result,i feel like wanna lock myself in the room under, wrap myself with blanket,haha..

It's not a good sign for raining now,maybe it's really the sign of end of the world. Lately there's earthquake in Sumatera and also tsunami,haih..worl never peace as natural disaster and wars are everywhere. I'm glad i'm Malaysian,,at least no wars and natural disaster even we had political wars and crimes that never will finish even till the day i die i guess...

Human nature...